On meaning of life

Do not ever listen if anyone tells you to look for answers from within.
I am talking from experience. Multiple experience.
Maybe it's just me - but anytime I try to do that - I end up laying flat on my back for days, waiting to be crusified.
Then I get better and happy like a drunk pig for a while, running around studying and questioning the universe.....until I come across this formidable answer, probably written by some psycho-twisted old man with a long beard, a finger raised to the sky, and a snake-like smile.
LOOK FROM WITHIN.
And then I do it all over again.
I mean... is that what they call a circle of life?

Why can't I just find the answer, write it down on the cieling of my bedroom so that I could wake up happy and content every day, and go to bed satisfied. Why???!

...wait.. don't answer..