Harmless

Woe to those who commit suicide...
to those who destroy themselves!

No one is more miserable.

By damning God and life,
they damn themselves.

Timeless their consuming hunger,
their rejection of forgiveness.


They curse the God
who beckons them.


They wish annihilation on Him

and on all His creation.

They thirst after death

and the void.

-from Jesus of Montreal

I have pushed away even the furthest people in my life.

set the most clever traps for myself.
Sometimes I feel this pain that I can't really identify. And all i know is that it hurts like a motherfucker.

There are two emotions in my vocabulary:
I'm fine.
I'm mad.
Something wrong with the picture?

When somebody is reaching out to me it hurts. Seeing people being nice to me makes me cry. Secretly of course. Because I'M FINE!

I have to work through some major issues. I want to be with people who have not given up on me (which is going to be my psycho-analytical project after I am done with myself, since there IS something wrong with them if they haven't yet).

so off I am to start working through my shit.